We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
