Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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