On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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