he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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