I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He shit in the fireplace
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
