Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
