I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
