Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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