Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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