It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
