nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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