You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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