The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
