i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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