omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
