The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
