My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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