I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
