you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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