why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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