I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize