You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
