shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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