yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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