i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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