I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
