We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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