On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Enjoy the penises
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
