he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
