i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
