New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
