At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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