It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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