My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
