Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
