I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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