I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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