1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
