im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
