apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
