Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
worst night to have a conscience
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
