if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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