I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Say something about gay babies.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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