I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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