I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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