we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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