bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
