I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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