when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
