dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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