The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
