Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
