I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
