If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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