swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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