He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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