I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
