So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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