Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
