one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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