There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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