I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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