Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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