Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
