So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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