We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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