guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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