he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
