can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
