I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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