it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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