dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
