My first STD was from a foam party
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
